Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling irritated/angry because you like to have order/stability/financial security?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are irritated/angry because you think there will be an economic problem with asylum seekers who have come to Europe. You like to have financial stability/order/ security, is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people who have crossed deserts and seas, exposed themselves to life hazards and left their own families? Can you imagine what they have gone through?
Can you imagine what it will do to you when you were an asylum seeker, far away from your country and family?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is order/stability/financial security for me?
When do I need order/stability/financial security?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

The reasons for immigration and asylum are many and varied:
- Refugees who flee out of war regions
- Asylum seekers who suffer under discrimination or are threatened because of their faith, their political views
- People who want to find work to have an income at all or to improve their income

There are currently over 65 million refugees worldwide due to wars, humanitarian, climatic disasters or political persecution. These are more refugees than ever before. 90 percent of the refugees live for years in neighbouring regions and wait near their home for a return.
The refugee tragedy at our borders is a daily reminder of the consequences of centuries of exploitation, for example of African countries, in maintaining our prosperity. International corporations and world trade are destroying agricultural structures and the regional economy. Climate change is largely caused by the industrialised countries. There is no reason to scold "economic refugees". Their desire to participate in social prosperity is understandable.
Watch a story of some of the asylum seekers: https://www.tellingtherealstory.org/en/about/

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel irritated/worried/ angry/concerned?
Listening to you I have the impression that you are irritated/worried/ angry/concerned, because you think asylum seekers are not treated in the same way as other citizens. You need equality and justice, is that right?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people who have left their houses and their way of living because their country was not a safe place to be anymore? Can you imagine what they have gone through? Can you imagine how much they are longing for a normal life, a place of their own and their own income?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is justice/equality for me?
When do I need justice/equality?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

People in need, especially those with war trauma or the trauma of experiencing violence, are primarily seeking shelter and security.
For asylum seekers, there must be an urgency that drives them to leave their country. And in every receiving country in Europe, we have a legal basis which regulates when and under what conditions persons can apply for asylum.
All countries of the European Union have relatively high standards of social protection for their own citizens and other residents in their policy documents. This includes the protection of asylum seekers as well. In nearly all European countries, asylum seekers receive a basic supply for their living costs that is usually less than a minimum standard of living costs for citizens.
The EU has a long tradition of caring for the most vulnerable groups. If you are a European resident, you benefit from that. Caring for those in need of protection has always been at the forefront of European cultural, social and political life. Imagine: What would happen if your country would not take care of asylum seekers? Would you like men, women and children, old and young persons, to die on the streets of your country?

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling insecure/worried?
Do you need stability/safety?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people who have left their country and their way of living? Can you imagine what they have gone through?
Can you understand how it will be for them to know they are not welcome, that we don’t want them in our neighbourhood?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is stability/safety for me?
When do I need stability/safety?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In 2015 the impression was created that millions of people are on their way to Europe. In fact, in 2015 there was a high peak of asylum applications in the European Union of 1.3 million people that decreased to about 600.000 applications in 2018. Today we realize that the high amount of armed conflicts or political instability and dramatically changed climate in some countries lead to these high numbers of refugees worldwide.
If we want to limit the number of refugees, we must combat the causes of migration and ensure that people can live safely in their countries.
https://ec.europa.eu/eurostat/statistics-explained/index.php?title=Asylum_statistics

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel uncomfortable/ annoyed when you see men/women doing things, which are not according to your gender expectations?
Does it give you more clarity/a better grip when men and women behave the way that you are used to?
What I’m hearing is that you are not comfortable by seeing these things because you think that a (wo)man shouldn’t do this. You like men to do the things men are supposed to do and women to do their things. You like to have some kind of clarity in this case, is that so?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

How would you react when your son wants to become a dancer or your daughter a soccer player and you see they are really good at dancing or soccer?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is social comfort/control/security for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

There are several biological differences between men and women and those are universal. But the differences we expect in their behaviour are gender roles that have been decided culturally and will not be the same forever and whenever.
How does it feel for you when I say this? Could you name examples of biological and cultural differences from your own environment? How is it to look at it this way that the differences aren't as clear? Does that make you feel insecure?

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel uncomfortable/ annoyed when you hear someone say that there must be a third sex beside men and women?
Does it give you more clarity/a better grip when there is only the distinction between men and women?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are annoyed when you hear someone say that there must be a third sex beside men and women? Do you like to have a clear distinction between men and women?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know a person who cannot fully identify with the sex assigned to him/her at birth?
Can you imagine that he/she is in a difficult emotional situation?
Can you imagine how great a challenge is to change your gender in a medical and social way?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is clarity/order for me?
When do I have the need for clarity/order?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In all European societies, there was a clear understanding of how “normal” women or men have to behave and the social norm is/was heterosexuality. All other types of sexual orientation were forbidden or at least socially outlawed. Many gays, lesbian or transgender people have lived their sexual orientation in illegality.
Times have been changing and today we know even with the help of scientific research that homosexuality is a variation of sexual life and also transgender people have a right of respect.
More information about transgenders: https://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transgender
in Europe: https://tgeu.org/

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel uncomfortable/worried when you see someone not behaving the way you believe a 'normal' man/woman should?
Do you like it to have a clear order?
What I’m hearing is that you are not comfortable by people who declare themselves as transgender, because you think that they are supposed to be either a man or a woman. Do you like to have some kind of clarity or ‘normality’? Am I right by saying it this way?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know a person who cannot fully identify with the sex assigned to him at birth?
Can you imagine how they are feeling when they are called sick?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is social comfort/clarity for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

The WHO disqualified homosexuality as a mental illness in 1990, but it took almost 30 more years for transsexuality to follow the same way. Since the publication by the WHO of ICD-11 in 2018, the general classification of diseases, gender identity disorders are renamed gender dysphoria and moved from the category of personality disorder and cognitive disorder to "sexual health conditions". Therefore, being a transsexual is not a disorder, although some disorders, mainly stress, anxiety or depression, can be suffered because of the intolerance and discrimination that these people often perceive.
The variability of gender or gender identity in human beings is a variable and broad-spectrum, as transcultural analysis has shown. Gender variance is built through interaction within specific historical, social and cultural contexts.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel tired/dispirited?
Do you want to see more action and initiative?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are tired/dispirited because you think some people aren’t as active as you would like them to be and you wish more action and initiative from all of us living together?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people in your neighbourhood who aren’t as active as you are? Who has different opinions on efficiency, organization, and deadlines? How do you think they would feel when they were called lazy because of their opinions?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is action and initiative for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Work productivity, discipline and agreement reliability are partially culturally decided qualities. That is in part because of how certain cultures handle time.
There are cultures (like the German or Dutch) where people go by linear time: time is money and deadlines are holy. Agendas and schedules decide the order of activities. Everything goes step by step, preferably without interruption. People live according to an external clock and do not make others wait.
There are also cultures where people go by circular time, where deadlines and schedules are seen as guidelines. At the same moment, several activities are happening. Interruptions are a part of life. People live following an internal clock and sometimes they have to wait.
Besides, there are also European countries where the heat during the day requires a midday break. Would you call these people lazy because they have to adapt to weather conditions?

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel confused/insecure?
Do you feel more comfortable when there is open and clear communication? Would you want to have more contact with Asians?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people who rarely make eye contact? What do you think of them, what kind of person are they? Are they shy, uninterested? Do they feel uncomfortable?
There must be moments in which you don’t have or do not want to have eye contact with another person.
How would it be for you when this makes the other think you are unreliable?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is openness and communication for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Eastern and Western cultures are different in many ways. That is especially true in the way people are accepting other cultures. The amount of acceptance of others and their cultures has a lot to do with the culture of your own country/region.
In this regard, it is especially important how your culture scores on the dimension insecurity avoidance, individualism/collectivism, and power distance.
Does your view of Asians change when you look at their behaviour through the lens of cultural dimensions? Do you recognize the amount of openness for other cultures in your own surroundings? What does that tell you?

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel scared/anxious/ frightened?
Do you need safety/security/ protection?
What I’m hearing is that you are scared/anxious/ frightened, because in the media there are a lot of messages about rapists who are coming from abroad and you want to be protected against these foreigners. Is that correct?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know foreigners personally? How do you think it is for them to be called ‘rapist’ just because they are coming from abroad?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/security/ protection for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Women's fear of sexual violence or harassment is very well understandable. And every single case must be taken seriously and condemned. Media analyses show, however, that especially on the Internet cases are often taken up in which a "foreigner" is presumed to be the perpetrator, even if the investigation has not yet been completed. Other cases, however, are often commented on without being examined. Often a mixture of rumours and media reports is quickly spread and posted until a mood is created. Therefore, you should always check the source and validity of a message.
For women, their own home is the most dangerous place. This is where they are most exposed to physical and sexual violence. The perpetrators are mostly family members, partners or acquaintances. However, many women are also sexually harassed in public places. For example, unwanted touches, sexist slogans, and insults are unfortunately widespread. Some men believe that they can harass women with impunity. All forms of violence against women must be prosecuted and punished.
Since this topic is mostly based on stories one has heard or read, it is important to report about your personal positive encounters and the completely safe togetherness in everyday life. Some people are just one-sidedly informed or generalize individual cases.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling anxious/insecure/ fearful?
Do you need safety/ protection/order?
What I’m hearing is that you are feeling anxious/insecure/ fearful by the presence of Roma in our society, because you need safety/ protection/order and that need is not fulfilled by people who don’t have a job and a well-cared house. Is that correct?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know Roma in your own neighbourhood? Do you know anything about their traditions and backgrounds? Do you know how they are living?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/ protection/order for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

The prejudices against Roma are based on certain stereotypes or extended social constructions, such as the simple fact of being from the East entailing being involved in a mafia and engaged in criminal behaviour. These rumours reveal great ignorance of aspects such as "citizenship" and about the social and political processes in the Eastern countries. Like other stereotypes, they are based on a process of generalisation and homogenisation of the out-group. Roma communities historically suffer from marginalisation in their own countries of origin, and in the rest of Europe as well. The exclusion and ghettoisation suffered by the poorest communities is one of the breeding grounds for stereotyping and discrimination against them.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling anxious/insecure/ fearful?
Do you need safety/ protection?
I guess what you are saying is that you are feeling anxious/insecure/ fearful in the presence of North-Africans. You need safety/protection because you have the impression there are too many pickpockets among them. Is that correct?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know North-Africans in your neighbourhood? How do you think they are feeling when they are seen as pickpockets?
Have you yourself ever been accused of something like pick pocking? How does that feel?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/ protection for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

North Africans have not chosen their origin or their appearance. North Africa is home to a total of almost 180 million men, women, and children. The vast majority of them are, of course, no pickpockets, just like people in other parts of the world. The same applies, of course, to the North Africans who live in Europe.
Pickpocketing is indeed a problem wherever many people are crowded together: in public places, train stations, and airports, at tourist hot-spots. Precautions and attention are the best way to counter pickpockets - everywhere.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you scared?
Do you feel worried when you see how successful and influential some Jewish people are?
Is safety/equality important to you?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know Jewish people in your neighboorhood? How do you think they would feel when they were called power-hungry because they have achieved the goals they have set in their lives and are successful?
Your view on Jewish people might change when you consult more historical sources on the origins of the Jewish people. Would you want to know more about this?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/ equality for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

The Jewish race has spread over the entire world since the downfall of the kingdom of Juda in 586 BC (the diaspora). In Europe, Jewish refugees were excluded from several professions. A large number of them ended up in sectors where they were not excluded: trade, banks, diamond cutting. Some of them earned a lot of money and social respect.
Economic advantages are often based on the argument that Jewish people have a lot of financial power. They would own all banks and not bother about manual labor. The cause of the relatively large number of Jews in the financial sector is different, however. Opposite of the small number of successful Jews is a large number of Jews that had to live in poverty generation after generation.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling irritated/angry because you like to have order/stability?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are irritated/angry because you think there will be many problems in our societies with refugees who have come to Europe. You like order/ security, is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people who have left their country and their way of living because it was no longer safe there? Can you imagine what they have gone through?
Can you understand how it will be for them to know they are not welcome here because they are with too many people?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is order/stability for me?
When do I need order/stability?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled? Something new is coming up and disturbs me?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Since the peak of the refugee crisis in autumn 2015, the EU Commission and the Member States have focused many efforts on tackling one of the greatest challenges of our time in a humane yet effective manner.
The European Union is determined to close irregular and dangerous routes and to provide safe, legal routes to Europe in return. Thus, the EU is gradually leaving the crisis mode and is now managing migration. This is not always happening in a spirit of partnership and shared responsibility within and outside the EU, and it causes conflicts within the Member States as well.
However, based on still valid common values of the majority of EU Member States, the EU is committed to human rights and freedom for all migrants, equal opportunities and integration into the labour market. Therefore, the EU supports all efforts of the member states for intercultural dialogue and the integration of refugees in society and the labour market. This is how the majority of Europeans understand democracy.
https://ec.europa.eu/home-affairs/index_en

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling insecure/worried/ angry because you like to have security/protection/ stability?
What I’m hearing is that you are insecure/worried/ angry because you think refugees are more involved in criminal acts than other people. And you really want security/protection/ stability? Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know refugees personally? How do you think it is for them to be called ‘criminal’ and ‘rapist’ only because they are coming from abroad?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is security/protection/stability for me?
When do I need security/protection/stability?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Communication (mainly) on the Internet might give the impression that most refugees are more criminal than other population groups. This spreads a climate of fear and rejection and distorts reality. In the case of serious crimes, such as murder, asylum status is denied and, after serving a prison sentence, deportation to the country of origin is possible.
It is often assumed that sexual crimes, in particular, are committed by men from Islamic cultures. The figures do not prove this.
Nevertheless, every rape is one too many.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling worried/terrified because you like to have security/stability?
Hearing you I think you are worried/terrified because you think there will be a greater chance of terroristic actions because of the refugees coming to Europe. You like to have security/ stability. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know refugees personally? How do you think it is for them to be seen as potentially terroristic just because they have fled a war zone?
Don’t you think terrorist attacks in Europe affect refugees as much as they do you or even more because what refugees really need is protection from war and terrorism?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is stability/safety for me?
When do I need stability/safety?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

It is true: one objective of terrorist groups is to spread fear and terror through arbitrary attacks. This is exploited by some to fuel the general rejection of people of other origins. But if you look at most terroristic attacks, they have not been committed by refugees but by people who have been living in the country long before.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling insecure/worried?
Do you need stability/harmony/ predictability?
Hearing you I think you are insecure/ worried because you are afraid immigrants will not integrate enough in our society. And you think it is important to have stability/harmony/ predictability?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know immigrants personally? People who have left their own country, leaving behind everything and everybody they loved? Can you imagine what that has meant to them?
Can you understand how it will be for them to hear you saying they will always be a stranger here, that they don’t belong here although they maybe have lived here for years?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is stability/harmony/ predictability for me?
When do I need stability/harmony/ predictability?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

European people already consist of a great cultural mixture, resulting from the immigration of hundreds of years. Just check their last names, which often indicate where they came from! Today more than 70% of all our immigrants come from Europe. Do you think that people, who live more than 30 or 40 years in our country and their children, are still foreigners?
“Culture” means the “way of life”, the characteristics and knowledge of a particular group of people, encompassing language, religion, cuisine, social habits, music, and arts… Culture is a dynamic system that evolves. Not a static picture that has to stay the same over centuries.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling irritated/angry because you like to have financial security? Don’t you feel secure in your own job?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are irritated/angry because you think there will be an economic problem with immigrants. You like to have financial security, is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know immigrants in your neighbourhood? Can you imagine how it is for them to have left their own country because there was no work for them and they so much wanted to have their own income?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is financial security for me?
When do I need financial or job security?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Within the European Union, any citizen of the Union may work in any Member State of which he or she is not a national under the same conditions as those laid down for employment.
Immigrants create many jobs; there is a high proportion of self-employed people and entrepreneurs. Do not forget: They are as many consumers and taxpayers as we are, so they are contributing to our society as well as any other citizen.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel tired/irritated/ unmotivated?
Do you want to see more contributions/ participation/action?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are tired/ irritated/ unmotivated because you think some immigrants aren’t as competent as you would like them to be and you wish more contribution/ participation/action?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people in your neighbourhood who are immigrants and who are possibly educated in a different way than you are? How do you think they would feel when they were called ‘dumb’ because of this?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is contribution/ participation/action for me?
When do I need contribution/ participation/action?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

The thought that migrants have a backlog with regard to knowledge and experience isn't exactly true. Most immigrants have had an education in their own countries or are eager to learn. They want to have the opportunity to go to school and be successful.
Most immigrants know what they want to do and why they fled or moved to another country. For that reason, they cannot continually be called dumb. They should get the chance to make something of their lives without hearing all these prejudices. Furthermore, all migrants must have the opportunity to learn the national language as a precondition to enter the local job market.
The problem is that the educational qualifications acquired abroad by many migrants are not accredited and therefore they often have to accept less qualified jobs.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel frustrated/anxious when you see how much money and care these children cost society and their parents because you think financial safety is important?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are frustrated that children with Down are born although their parents knew they were disabled because they cost society too much money.

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know parents and children with Down? What do you think is the quality of their lives?
How would you react when you heard your baby was disabled and you should not have let it be born?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is financial safety for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Children with Down Syndrome are mentally disabled and have certain medical problems more often than other children have. The care for these children costs not only society but also families’ money, patience and a lot of care time, as is the case with others who need 24-hour care e. g. like people chronically ill or the growing number of senior citizens. Despite this, children with Down are still people that develop, enjoy, live and are loved. They contribute to social costs by working in special workshops.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling irritated/concerned/ embarrassed?
Do you need efficiency/stability/ safety?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are irritated/concerned/embarrassed because you think there will be more efficiency/stability/ safety without disabled people on the work floor. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know disabled people in your own neighbourhood? Can you imagine how important it is for them to have a paid job, to be part of society?
Can you imagine yourself having some kind of disability and to be excluded from the labour market? What would your life look like?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is efficiency/stability/ safety for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In our common European space, all people have equal access to the labour market and the right to work, in accordance with their capabilities
That is why we encourage employment and inclusion in various forms of work for people with disabilities.
Through the possibility of employment, disabled people contribute to their own income, so the state should support this. They do not in any way take jobs away from other people because they work mainly in so-called sheltered workshops or conveyor workshops, where they carry out different, mostly simple manual work.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling concerned/worried?
Do you need reassurance? Do you want to be sure that people with learning disabilities are having a safe life within their own boundaries?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know people with learning disabilities in your own neighbourhood? Do you think it is possible for them to live an independent life? Can you imagine how much they are longing for such a life?
Can you imagine your son/daughter/friend having learning disabilities and to be excluded from society?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is reassurance for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Most people with learning disabilities can successfully live independently in society.
In Europe, the aim is to enable all people with all kinds of disabilities to participate in a "normal" social life. Inclusion, which is so effectively implemented in the educational and social context, must certainly be reflected in access to all levels of the social fabric. To this end, there are now wide ranges of assistance that can make life easier for disabled people: e.g. barrier-free access to public transport, acoustic signals at pedestrian lights or in lifts or - for people with learning disabilities - translations into simple or easy-to-read language.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you worried/scared/ terrified?
Do you need safety/peace?
Listening to you I have the impression that you are worried/ scared/terrified because you think our safety/peace is in danger?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you have Muslim colleagues or acquaintances? Do you have the experience they are violent, aggressive? Do you feel scared when you are together with them? How do you think they would react when they are called violent, terrorists and extremists?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/peace for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Not all terrorists and extremists are Muslims, nor are all Muslims terrorists, violent and extremists. A Muslim practices Islam and can be from many different countries, including European countries like Great Britain, Spain, Slovenia, Croatia.
In Europe, there were in the last 15 years (since 2004) nine terrorist attacks with an Islamic motive. It is definitely a number, that we should consider and it is good that the police are doing many actions in order to prevent such attacks from happening. At the same time, there were many more terrible terrorist attacks in European Member States committed on a national level by separatists and nationalists.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling uncomfortable/ irritated/uneasy because there are more and more Muslim citizens in our western society and their behaviour is different from yours?
Do you need order/ predictability?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you have Muslim colleagues or acquaintances? Do you have the experience they don’t fit into our society? Do you know what their values in life are? Are they so much different from yours? Do you know for example their opinions on women’s rights? Do you know why they are thinking this way?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is order/ predictability for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Let people of Muslim faith tell about their religion In order to understand the diversity of Muslim life-worlds, to get to know the Koran and its interpretations, or to understand the rules of the faithful, it makes sense to get into a conversation with Muslims. It is well known that one cannot argue about faith, but fears and prejudices about Islam can thereby be eliminated.
The headscarf is a piece of clothing that is addressed in the Koran and can belong to the faith practice of Islam. For many women it is above all a personal expression of their religiousness, some wear it as a sign of their cultural identity. Wearing a headscarf is mistakenly seen as an indicator of (missing) integration. Remember your own family 5o years ago: At that time it was a general habit in many European and Western societies that women wore headscarves in public.
Nevertheless, women should decide for themselves what kind of clothes they wear – including the headscarf.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you shocked/ horrified by seeing Jews only as victims, because you think they are as aggressive as the Nazis were?
Do you have a need for clarity/equality?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you have friends, colleagues or acquaintances that are Jewish? What do you know about their background and family history? What do you know about their political views? How do you think it will be for them to be compared with the Nazis?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is clarity/equality for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

It is quite dangerous to compare Jewish/Zionist actions with the holocaust. The holocaust was such a great massacre that nothing is comparable with this. Today there are enough scientifically justified literature and documents about the murder of the Nazis. However, be careful: If you try to find documents about the holocaust on the internet remember that not all sources are reliable.
Zionism is a political movement that intends for a Jewish state in Israel. It is based on the desire of the Jewish people to return to the state of Israel. This desire is over two thousand years old. The term Zionism comes from the mountain Zion in Jerusalem. In the course of thousands of years, the name Zion became a synonym for Jerusalem. Later for Israel in general.
However, the Zionist movement is only one part of political expression in Israel and not all Jews are happy with the Zionist movement.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you angry because you have a need for support/care, integrity/honesty/ reliability?
What I hear you saying is that you are angry about the behaviour of a public servant because you have a need for support/care? Is that so?
What I guess you’re saying is that you have doubts about the integrity/ honesty/reliability of institutions. Am I guessing this right?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Imagine your friend/son/daughter is working as a public servant. What would your reaction be when he/she was called lazy and corrupt?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is support/care, integrity/honesty/ reliability for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Without public administration, there would be no city organisation, no social welfare office, no labour administration, and no police. There would be no payment of social benefits, no job placement, and no public safety.
Of course, there are also people among public servants whose commitment is limited – you will find people like this in all occupational groups, including companies and private institutions.
Public service employees are bound to law and justice. They must act fairly, altruistically and transparently. Corruption undermines confidence in the integrity and functioning of the public administration. An administration that is not (or no longer) perceived by the population as having integrity loses its legitimacy.
More about the implementation of policies and why public administration is a core of any democratic society: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_administration

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Do you feel overwhelmed/ worried/hostile?
Do you have a need for freedom/ growth/autonomy?
What I hear is that you think it is better for our country to get out of the EU because for your freedom/ growth/autonomy are important values. Is that what you mean?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know in what ways our society has benefitted as an EU member and to what extend our membership has led to economic growth and prosperity? What is your reaction when you see things this way?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is freedom/ growth/autonomy for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

The European Commission employs about 30,000 officials (for more than 500 million people). Personnel costs: 6 percent of the total funds are spent on personnel and administration. This is really a low percentage if you compare this with other institutions or administrations.
The EU has brought a lot of advantages to European consumers concerning e.g.
consumer benefits,
high-quality standards for food and environment,
the single market as a European open market place
no extra costs for phone and online services in Europe
protection for your rights when you are travelling in Europe.

Furthermore, the EU respects the human rights of minorities and insists an equal treatment for all. The EU is the most successful peace project in human history.
https://europa.eu/european-union/about-eu/what-the-eu-does-for-its-citizens_en

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you concerned/angry?
Do you have a need for honesty/reliability/ commitment?
I guess what you’re saying is that you are concerned/angry because you think politicians are not really involved in what is important for all of us. You want them to be more honest and reliable. Is that what you mean?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you know someone in your neighboorhood who is acouncillor for instance? Can you imagine how they are feeling when they are called liars?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is honesty/ reliability/commitment for me?
When do I need it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Politicians are voted by ordinary people like you and me. So the public is giving them feedback about how they are expected to act. In their campaigns, they have to refer to things that people are interested in.
The question is whether they follow after the elections the program they promised to implement. If a politician is suspected working only for his / her own benefits, they won´t be elected again. In the end, their employment relationship is basically a temporary contract which is measured by the legislative period and not a secure job.
Today there are international movements like “Transparency international” which fight against corruption. They try to prosecute corrupt politicians or business leaders for the abuse of power.
https://www.transparency.org/

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling helpless/insecure/ troubled?
Do you need support/help? Is competence important for you?
What I’m hearing is that you are insecure. You need help/support and you are not sure to get it by volunteers who you think are not skilled enough. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you have friends, colleagues or acquaintances who are volunteers? What do you know about their activities and their skills? How do you think it will be for them to be called stupid?
What exactly do you expect from volunteers? What type of knowledge and what type of skills do you have in mind?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is support/help for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In our central European area, volunteering has a long tradition. There are around 92 to 94 million adults involved in volunteering in the EU. This in turn, implies that around 22% to 23% of Europeans aged over 15 years are engaged in voluntary work. On this scale, how can one assume that all these people are stupid? Whilst certain EU Member States have longstanding traditions in volunteering and well-developed voluntary sectors, in others the voluntary sector is still emerging.
Being a volunteer means dedicating time, efforts and resources to people and tasks in need of support. The importance of volunteering has long been acknowledged by the European Union. More about volunteering on the European level:
https://ec.europa.eu/citizenship/pdf/doc1018_en.pdf

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you worried/scared?
Do you need safety/order?
Listening to you I have the impression that you are worried/ scared because you think our economy is suffering under volunteer workers. Is that what you mean?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you have friends, colleagues or acquaintances who are volunteers? How do you think it will be for them to be called losers? What do you know about their activities? In what way do you think they do not contribute to our economy or welfare?
What organizations are you a member of that are possibly supported by volunteers? In what way can those same volunteers help our economy and welfare?
What branches do you think are suffering most under volunteers?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/order for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Accordingly to the studies volunteers bring many benefits to society, to local communities and their activities can be measured economically. The interesting thing is that volunteers actually aid our economy and, just as important, our welfare.
If there were no volunteers than the offer of several sport, relaxation or medical services would decrease drastically.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling suspicious/irritated?
Do you want more clarity/reliability?
I guess what you are saying is that you are suspicious/irritated because it is not clear for you how NGOs exactly spend the money. You really want to know this since you are a taxpayer. Is that what you mean?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you personally know someone who is working at an NGO? What do you know about their activities and their motivation to do this work? How do you think it will be for them to hear you saying they are exploiting volunteers and misusing tax money?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is clarity/reliability for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In the area of the non-governmental sector and voluntary work, the monitoring of the dedicated use of financial resources, in particular, is not only control over the implementation of the content reported by the organization to a specific call for proposals and the number of volunteers involved in such content. In addition, each non-governmental organization must promote its own program, on the basis of which, in the selection of applications, it meets the criteria of the service subscriber. Often, the opposite is true that the resources needed for the implementation of the content do not meet all the needs of the program and the group to which it volunteers. Most non-governmental organizations have to make several donations in the quality implementation of the planned program.
Payments to volunteers are strictly monitored.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling uncertain/ suspicious?
Do you need honesty/integrity?
I guess you are uncertain/suspiciousbecause for you honesty/integrity is an important value. And you aren’t sure the news you heard in the media or reading in the newspapers is true. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you personally know someone who is working in the media or as a journalist? Do you know how they manage to do their job?
Can you imagine how they would react when you are telling them they are not honest, that they are just bringing lies, fake news?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is honesty/integrity for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Fake news are a threat to democratic societies, but nobody is at their mercy. Ask yourself these questions to recognize fake news better:
1. Where did the message originate? Does this person really exist? On websites always check the disclaimer or the 'about us' tab.
2. What intention does the writer have? Why did this person write this article? Who was it written for? What (political, financial, other) interests might the writer have? Is it meant as satire?
3. What technology was used? How does the article play into emotion, are things left out, is there a call on authority? What viewing point is used? What imagery is shown with what music? Are there many capital letters and exclamation marks in the header?
4. Can it be verified? Is it just buzz on social media or do you see this in respected media? Is it about research? Check how it was researched, if only a few people were interviewed there is a big chance that those opinions count for all of the Netherlands.
5. What sources are used? Fake news more often uses fake sources, so go further than just the source list. Do texts and photos get used in the same way as in the original source? Or has a message been taken out of context? Is there no link to the source than use a search engine to look for it? Preferably use an anonymous engine to circumvent your filter bubble.
6. Is the article the whole truth and nothing but the truth? Fake news can have truths in it. The more truth there is to a message the more real it seems. Check if the message has the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
7. Or an interpretation of other people's truths? Even facts can be interpreted in many different ways. That doesn't make them fake.
8. Check photos and videos.
All of this allows us to create our own independent opinion and we are responsible for that ourselves.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling uncertain/ suspicious?
Do you need honesty/integrity?
I guess you are uncertain/suspicious because for you honesty/integrity is an important value. And you aren’t sure journalists are objective in the way they spread the news. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you personally know someone who is working as a journalist? Do you know how they manage to do their job?
Can you imagine how they would react when you are calling them liars?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is honesty/integrity for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Articles reflect different opinions. That may not be your opinion but that doesn’t make it a lie.
Journalism is like any other profession, there are good people doing a good job and people whose work we question. It is not working to put a whole profession in one basket. The only thing to do against bad journalism is to think critically, check the sources your information is coming from and be alert for expressions that try to slip you their opinion under.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling uncertain/ suspicious?
Do you need honesty/integrity?
I guess you are uncertain/suspicious because for you honesty/integrity is an important value. And you aren’t sure journalists are independent in the way they spread the news. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you personally know someone who is working as a journalist? Do you know how they manage to do their job?
Can you imagine how they would react when you are telling them they are just puppets in the hands of others?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is honesty/integrity for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Independent journalism is still a major backbone of democracy in Europe. Bigger media are reporting in a trustworthy way about facts. Their commentaries, however, might have a tendency towards a more liberal or a more conservative base.
Still, the core task of a journalist is to truthfully and objectively report about news. To do this a journalist needs to fairly hear both sides and report both sides evenly. But something like independent journalism doesn't exist. A journalist is always dependent on their own sources. That's why we as readers have to be critical and have to come to own opinions instead of believing everything which is communicated in media of all kind (including social media).

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling disgusted?
I guess you are disgusted by gay people because they are so different from what you like people to be. Is it safety/protection/ predictability you want?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Can you imagine your brother, sister, daughter, son, friend to be gay? How would it be for them to be called ‘sick’, ‘abnormal’ just because they love someone of the same sex?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/protection/ predictability for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

There is now a large body of scientific evidence that indicates that being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is compatible with normal mental health and social adjustment.
The American Psychological Association already in the 1990s adopted a resolution stating that homosexuality is not a mental disorder and rejected any form of discrimination based on sexual orientation. The sexual orientation of an individual does not have any valid basis for depriving one's personality or intelligence.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling afraid/fearful/ worried?
Do you want order/stability/ predictability?
Hearing you, I think you are afraid/fearful/ worried when gays are allowed to get married. In your opinion, that will not be a good step in remaining order and stability. I think, for you, predictability is a great value. Is that so?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Can you imagine your brother, sister, daughter, son, friend to be gay? How would it be for them to be excluded from marriage just because they love someone of the same sex?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/comfort for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In our society marriage has been defined as the union of one man and one woman. We easily believe this traditional marriage is universal and the only right way to structure society. But this isn’t true. In many cultures families were/are not arranged according to the heterosexual model of today. It is just a way to structure family relations, not an everlasting model that has to be defended against revisions.

Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you puzzled/uneasy/ worried?
Do you need safety/comfort?
I guess you are puzzled/uneasy/ worried. You think raised by gay parents will be harmful for the children. What you want is safety/comfort. Is that what you are saying?

What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Do you personally know children that are raised by gay parents? In what way do you think they are different from other children?

Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/comfort for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

Research has shown that homosexuality is most likely a born trait and your environments, such as how you were raised, social contacts and youth traumas, have almost no influence on whether you are gay, lesbian or bisexual.
Cornell University collected a total of 79 studies in which the well-being of children of LGTBI (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender) families is evaluated. Seventy-five out of those 79, conclude that these children have no more problems than those who grow up in heterosexual families. Overall, it is a set of evidence strong enough for the scientific community to have dismissed the idea that belonging to an LGTBI family produce children with more mental and gender identity problems.