Why?

(Try to find out what feelings and needs are alive in the other person: empathic resonance)

Are you feeling afraid/fearful/ worried?
Do you want order/stability/ predictability?
Hearing you, I think you are afraid/fearful/ worried when gays are allowed to get married. In your opinion, that will not be a good step in remaining order and stability. I think, for you, predictability is a great value. Is that so?

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What if?

(‘Mirror questions’: how would it be if you were standing in the shoes of that person)

Can you imagine your brother, sister, daughter, son, friend to be gay? How would it be for them to be excluded from marriage just because they love someone of the same sex?

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Self-reflection

(Questions you can ask yourself in silence to support yourself in understanding the other person)

How important is safety/comfort for me?
When do I have the need for it?
How do I feel when this need is not fulfilled?

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Empowerment

(More information on the issue and tips how to explore the problem and continue the discussion)

In our society marriage has been defined as the union of one man and one woman. We easily believe this traditional marriage is universal and the only right way to structure society. But this isn’t true. In many cultures families were/are not arranged according to the heterosexual model of today. It is just a way to structure family relations, not an everlasting model that has to be defended against revisions.